


Summer, Fall and...

by LKChoi



Category: MBLAQ
Genre: JoonMir, Joonmi, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 02:31:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5610571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LKChoi/pseuds/LKChoi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His big decision impending, how will Lee Joon cope with disappointing the dongsaeng that always looked up to him? Can he admit to his own feelings in turn? Will those feelings threaten to destroy them both?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Summer

**Author's Note:**

> I will admit that as an A+ this fanfic was very difficult to write. I did not hide behind fluff, but wrote just as I sincerely felt. Those hurtful feelings came back up the moment I started to do the research for this piece, which in the end is all the more reason I felt it was needed. Is this coping? Is this suspicion? Is this sympathy? Who knows. But I love those boys. That's all that matters. I truly believe that they will be alright. They are fighters. They deserve the happiness they work their asses off for. Without further ado, prepare your feels and please enjoy the fic
> 
> Additional note: This work of fiction is set during the dreaded time of MBLAQ's separation. If there are any minor missed facts please disregard it. I did my best with the information I remembered and researched and was as thorough as I could be. I hope I did it justice. Again, thank you for reading.

The cool month of March swiftly turned into a blistering June as MBLAQ'S activity roster became blotched with rare time off. Broken, drama filming, variety shows, and now a new album to compose by September.

_September..._

The word sent a high-pitched ring through Lee Joon's mind, causing him to stir in his sleep. Coming into consciousness he could feel the smoldering sun graze his arm as he lay in bed. Sun-rays beamed in through the window, searing the glass, baking skin upon contact. A rotating fan sat in the far corner of the room barely providing any relief from the stiff humid air.

“Eeish _.”_ He cursed under his breath.

The AC in the dorm was broken. G.O took the initiative to report it immediately. That was two days ago and the company would send someone over later. He thought of his apartment not far from the building and how cool it might be if his was fixed too. He reported as well, but of course that was a month ago. He had yet to hear back from them.

 _September..._ echoed in his mind. This time he sat up, exhaled loudly and shuffled his hand into his full head of black hair.

Dreaded September was the month his contract had to be renewed. J.Tune Camp would surely find creative ways to remind him of it. To staple in his brain that it was their way or the highway. Joon chose the ladder. A treacherous path indeed, but one he considered with deep thought and consideration for his friends. It would hurt, some more than others, especially the precious maknae sleeping soundly beside him.

The group spent all night discussing the new album. Arrangements, which songs in their pile of originals to include on the short track list, what tone to set and how: all the things one could think up in the development stages. After burning out their brains until three in the morning, all five young men crashed in scattered places throughout the sweltering apartment. Leader Yang snored at his laptop. Cheon-dung sprawled across his hyung's bed. Byung-hee stretched across the couch, his arm hanging dead with a pen still in it. Joon and Cheol-yong were idiotically compelled to see who could stay up the longest via staring contest, both boys topless facing each other. It didn't take long for them to call it a draw, falling asleep while drowsily laughing.

The happy precious idiot still smiled in his sleep, and Joon couldn't contain his own at the sight of him. He redid his hair immediately after the “Be A Man” promotions ended. Now it was a short dirty blonde nest atop his head once again. His exposed skin was damp with sweat yet he laid there not phased a bit as if there was some cooling source in that thick skull of his.

The time would come to put to light the dark truth already settled in Lee Joon's mind. He would be leaving MBLAQ. Leaving his brothers. Leaving his precious dongsaeng. In the inconsistency of his troubled mind Joon made so many promises, hoping that perhaps he could hide in that fantasy right along with him.

 

_We'll always share that stage together_

 

_I can't wait until our fifth album_

 

_I wonder if we'll be able to dance like this in ten years_

 

Trivial words of a tomorrow, next week, or next year that would never come. He too hoped that it was a lie. He tried convincing himself that J.Tune's lack of support was justified; but it wasn't. Tried to reassure himself of a bight future with the company, with his friends, but could see nothing but dark clouds before him. His smile faded as his heart tightened, trying to fight back tears welling up in his eyes. He didn't want to distort the vision of light that lead him through the storm all along. His sun: Mir.

 

…...............................

 

Mir groaned in his sleep and uncurled his hands from his chest. Reaching out with his left he cupped air, waking up startled by the emptiness. His eyes drifted open and he gazed around drearily.

“Hyung?” He questioned at the empty space but was relieved seeing Joon sitting upright beside him. “Hyung, what are you doing?”

“Nothing.” sighed the older boy, taking a moment to carefully place his words. “Just thinking.”

“More thinking?” Mir complained recollecting the late night group meeting. “My brain hurts. How can you do anymore?”

“Babo-ya.” teased Joon.

“Ya!” he laughed playfully. “You're no better than me.”

“That's not the point!” Joon bickered back.

“Whatever.” the younger said nonchalantly. “We have a clear schedule today, ya know. You have more filming tomorrow. Just get some sleep while you can.”

“Oh? Who's the “hyung” now?” inquired the older.

Mir reached for him again, this time succeeding in his quest, and smiled brightly at his friend.

“You are.”

As his eyes fixed on Joon they seemed to glisten. Mir always seemed amazed by Joon in so many ways. From the obvious stuff fans liked: his face, abs, singing, dancing and acting. All the way down to the smallest things like the way he studied lyrics while thinking of choreography. The way he held his utensils when he was ready to eat. Always smiling at his awesome hyung like he was now with crush still gathered in the corners of his eyes.

Mir never seemed to notice the same in Joon's eyes, because he was better at hiding it. It was the only way to avoid possible corruption from a messed up person like himself and to minimize the pain of leaving. He didn't deserve his pedestal. He promised himself to only briefly sneak a peak at his junior from across a room. Only stare for half a minute while he laughed. Only cuddle him like the innocent dongsaeng he was meant to be.

But maybe it was the summer heat, the stuffiness in the air, the bareness of his chest that was getting to Joon now. Mir's touch seemed to send a wave through him. His heart began to pound. His eyes glazed over while staring at him. Was this his last chance to show him how much he meant? Would he turn from him the moment that perfect picture of his idol hyung was shattered?

Mir was puzzled by the long silence, afraid of it. He wasn't new to Lee Joon's unpredictable moods or foreign to the damage it did. He hated watching his beloved hyung self-destruct but always felt powerless to stop it. All he could do was distract him with glomping, dumb jokes, and passive affection. It didn't always work but it was all he had. Now as he sat above him seemingly lost in his head, would he even hear him if he called out?

“Hyung....”

Mir's voice shook all of Joon's senses. A desperate alarm overwhelmed him, compelling him to do anything he could to see that precious smile again. He wanted to hold onto it, to savor it before the cruel fate ahead of them would remove it from his sight. Joon wiped Mir's hand away and slowly laid down, leaning in close with his hand reaching out to touch his face. Mir flinched seeing the look in Joon's eyes. A sudden hunger: for him.

“You play too much.” He laughed awkwardly failing in his attempt to shake off his nerves. “guess that's my fault.”

“Yea, but I'm not.” Joon proclaimed boldly, his voice deep with a serious look in his eyes. “Let me kiss you.”

 

 


	2. Heat

Mir's heart skipped a beat as Joon approached him, Abs soon pressing his trapped arm against his chest while the other fell clueless at his side. He let out a nervous breath as Joon clasped his chin. His eyes drifted heavily as a flood of warm breath touched his skin and a pair of lips brushed his own. Gently, carefully, and almost meticulously Joon took confident control of the kiss.

Mir's body burned against Joon's. The strong hand slid to the back of his head and caressed his hair, deepening the kiss. Clashing against each other the two huffed hard into the humid air, faces flush with heat as they kissed.

“Hyung.” Mir pined. “Wait!”

He hated himself for saying it when Lee Joon separated from him. Catching his breath he laid on his back and covered his face with his hands.

“I got caught in the moment but I can't.” Mir said aloud, trying his damnedest to fight his need for Joon's touch that was causing his body to ache. “I need to know why.”

“Why?” Joon repeated displeased. Propped up on his elbow he lifted one of Mir's hands from his face. It was beat red. Joon smirked.

“Maybe there is no why. Maybe I just wanna see that look on your face.”

Angered, Mir got up from the bed and marched over to the door. He leaned his forehead against it. What was wrong with him? He wanted this more than Joon could ever imagine. Always yearning from a distance having to be content with back hugs and playful innocent kisses. Always wishing for him to look his way. Now he was, but something didn't feel right. Cryptic Lee Joon would never admit to it. That was his painful way of protecting himself. Thinking of the date and what decisions were still impending, a rush of thoughts led him to one conclusion. A conclusion he did not like.

“You really do play too much.” he remarked sadly still hanging on the door.

Lee Joon rose from the bed and approached him from behind. Anxiously Mir prepared to feel him again.

“I don't know why you're so serious.” Joon replied, his bare feet silent in the carpet as he walked. “We always play like this.”

“Not like this.” Mir denied, fighting back the pain as his heart swelled. “And this time you're not.”

“You're right. I'm not.”

Soon the other was upon him, digging his face in the crook of his neck. The sudden sensation sent a chill down his spine and he shuddered as he started to kiss and peck at his skin. Joon's arms curled around his torso, pulling him back against his hard chest.

“Lock the door.” he ordered, which Mir tried to obey, his hand shaking as it clumsily searched for the door knob.

Black hair brushed against his shoulder as his hyung continued to suck at the skin and his hands roamed about. One found and played with his nipples while the other reached down into his loose pajama pants. Finally his hand listened to the simple command to lock the door. When he felt Joon's grip on his shaft his knees buckled. Mir sucked in a breath while gripping the knob and holding his other hand up to the door to steady himself

“Hyung...I can't...”

“Then don't.” Lee Joon's voice shook as he spoke, the low murmur now sounding like a desperate plea. “Please.”

Mir wanted the truth. He needed it, but he'd never get it. He couldn't bring himself to press him for it, or to deny his touch. This was the peak of the elusive intimacy he always wished for. Even if the reality hurts later , he would revel in the moment he had right now. Finally he surrendered himself to it, relaxing in the embrace the muscular man behind him.

Mir trembled as Joon began to stroke the hard muscle in his hand. His mouth hung open releasing shaky pants, his body throbbing as he worked him. Hot breath grazed over the skin of his neck sending chills down his spine.. The sun burned Joon's back as he began grinding himself against Mir' to sooth his own ache. He groaned and dug his forehead into the arch of his neck as the other began to push back into him.

The humid air was thick as they breathed out into it. Skin sweaty and smooth as they pressed together. The tiny fan in the corner doing nothing to relieve the increasing temperature of the room. The door rattling as Mir clutched the knob in hand. He released it and swooped both arms around Joon's waist holding him tightly to him.

A clatter rose from the opposite side of the door. Sounds of dishes, a microwave, a television all stirred up in the apartment. The other members were awake now, moving about doing trivial things like making coffee, playing PC games and lounging about. Mir froze, the noise causing a twisting feeling in his gut. Joon grunted, his want unaffected by the others but rather by the stillness of the other.

“The door is locked.” he reassured him, still stroking and grinding to keep their rhythm.

“Yea but...” he resisted hating himself again for the disruption. “They'll hear us.”

Lee Joon pulled his hand from Mir's pants and gripped his arm, leading him back over to the bed. He hit the mattress with a thud and before he could make another move Joon was positioned at the edge.

“Cheol-yong-ah.” he said affectionately as he pulled his erection out and presented it to him.

“Hyung...” Mir gasped as he watched it drip from the head.

“It would be worse if we go out there like this, wouldn't it?”

His wide brown eyes studied every inch of it. His own throbbed with need. He turned his face embarrassed from staring too long.

“Intimidated?” Smirked Lee Joon.

“No...” Mir lied. “Just...yea. You have a point about that...”

Joon laughed watching him stumble on his words while failing to mask his anxiety. Both heads turned as voices could be heard from the other side of the door.

“You think they're still sleep?” Seungho questioned.

“They _were_ up later than us goofing off.” Cheon-dung pointed out.

“Yea.” Byung-hee agreed. “Let's just leave their food in the fridge. They'll get it later.”

The group of footsteps left the room while one pair of feet remained. Silently the last member checked the door and found it locked. He sighed, his suspicion confirmed by the inaccessible room. Deciding to approach the topic later, the lone member left to join the others.

“See? They won't bother us.” Joon reassured his dongsaeng while sliding his bottoms off his backside. “Just relax.”

Joon's hand touched his chest, slid pass his stomach and returned to the throbbing appendage he was working on before. The younger boy's mouth gaped open as the stroking began once more and took Joon's in his hand as well. Joon hunched over, falling onto him as both their hands and cocks rubbed against each other. Pockets of hot breath escaped him seconds at a time while he worked as his knees struggled to support him at the edge of the mattress. He moaned as the hand on him tightened and quickened. He returned the favor as he watched the boy beneath him flinch with every motion of his hand.

“Ngh. H-yung!” Mir cried out as cum burst out into Joon's hand. He glanced down at the wet hand embarrassed. “I'm sorry I-”

“It's fine.” he reassured him breathlessly. “We need this. And I, ah-”

The hunch in Lee Joon's back rose as he did the same, gasping as his own substance emptied onto Mir's stomach. Sliding his cock down he prepared himself for his destination. Grazing the opening between his cheeks he used the wetness to tease him. Mir shuttered at the feeling of Joon's slicked tip brushing his entrance. “Hold onto me.”

Mir immediately wrapped his arms around his neck and closed his eyes preparing himself for penetration. Joon leaned into him and whispered.

“Everything's gonna be alright. I promise.”

Pressing forward Joon entered him. He shuddered as he pulled back and repeated the motion while Mir whimpered in his ear, clutching his neck tightly. He pressed on, moved by the sound of his cries, the stifling heat, the tightness around him.

The heat between their bodies. The sounds of hushed moaning. The choking sensation around his neck. As his heart tightened he buried himself deeper and faster into Mir to contradict the feeling. Yes, this long afternoon in June was hot enough to melt the thoughts away. It had to be. Thoughts of September. Thoughts of Mir's cries of pleasure turning into tears of pain. He needed him, He loved him. Now clinging to one another a hot euphoric sensation possessed them. Their voices cracked and their bodies drained them of all they had to give. They crashed together on the bed, Joon's eyes fixed on Mir as he held him tightly to his chest. As he drifted into unconsciousness, Joon's mind plagued him with one terrifying fear. The fear of destroying him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For a very vital reason I had to edit this a bit. I uh...almost "hurt" Mir by forgetting something extremely important, but that was corrected lol. If anything this is hotter now so yay ^///^


	3. Let It Burn

Joon awakened. The burning rays were now a phantom of themselves as the sun sank beyond the horizon. The sky a plastered mix of bright orange and purple as day turned to night. The fan was still going, far more effective as the dusk settled in. The weight of Mir's head was heavy on his biceps, but it was well worth the immediate vision when waking up; his smiling face.

He smiled sadly, cherishing it while unable to mask his paranoia. It never left him, even as he slept. He kissed his forehead gently, letting the bittersweet moment pass slowly. After a final look he sighed, then carefully crawled out of bed. Quietly he dressed and crept out of the room, pulling the door shut softly behind him.

Byung-hee was on the couch again writing something in a notebook. The door to Seungho's room was wide open as he tapped away at his keyboard. Cheon-dung was nowhere in sight. Both of them looked up at him. Their leader did so briefly, giving him a wary glance, then turned back to the screen in front of him. Byung-hee fixed on him, eyeballing him as he walked over to get his keys off the table.

“So, where's Cheon-dung?”

“Home.”

Lee Joon's idle conversation did nothing to break his gaze.

“What?” scoffed Joon avoiding direct eye contact.

“Aren't you just making things worse?” he asked boldly. “Why would you do this to him right now?”

“I didn't do anything.” he lied walking away

G.O stood up and marched around the table blocking his path to the door. Lee Joon stopped and glared at him.

“He's not an idiot and neither are you, so why?”he demanded angrily.

His words eluded him. He knew his reasons for committing the act. As intimate as he wanted them to be, it was written all over his face. He was breaking, in denial, and desperate. Mir would be collateral damage in the chaos of all that was to come. He never wanted him to be, but the act he just committed was irreversible and the feelings put into it were undeniable. Admitting to the damage done, he wasn't ready for it. He would never be.

“Don't you...already know that?” he finally countered, his expression softened. Vulnerable.

Byung-hee sighed.

“Of course I do. That's why I don't get it. You're just hurting yourself more. There's no way we can't see it.”

“Yea?” Joon let out a demented laughed. A crooked smile spread across his face. “Then do me a favor Hyung. Let me enjoy this small fleeting feeling while I still have it.”

They fell silent. G.O not knowing how to respond. Joon having no more words to speak. Turning their heads they saw Seungho, staring back at them. His stern expression read “let it go”; so they did. Seungho went back to his laptop. G.O back in his notebook. Lee Joon left the apartment. Meanwhile Mir laid in his bed alone. His hand resting where Lee Joon should be. His eyes staring at the last daylight colors leaving the sky.

 

 


	4. Fall

Summer cooled into fall as the recording of MBLAQ's upcoming album commenced on schedule. Composing, producing, writing, planning, and recording all within their hands once more the members stayed busy. Throughout July and August the gossip within the company spread, far beyond the reach of outside ears. It would soon be renewal time for Lee Joon and Cheon-dung, who had yet to show any intention or enthusiasm for it. The company showed obvious disdain for what seemed to be their final decisions giving shortages of support even while Lee Joon was busy filming for his upcoming drama.

It was stressful and obvious, and if anyone knew the definite truth by now it was the MBLAQ members themselves. Mir watched in pain as Lee Joon shuffled himself out of their recording sessions, exhausted, but still ready to drive to the drama set. He tried to comfort him, make him laugh, get him to smile. Joon's responses were empty, detached. He was too tired to mask it all.

Mir, just like the others, was never oblivious to it. A big part of him was relieved to know that his friends were making moves to ensure their futures. However, the other part was devastated. Why couldn't Joon be honest with him? Why didn't he trust him enough with the truth and hide it instead? And why, even after what happened between them, did he deny him now? He understood why he was leaving J.Tune Camp, but was he going to leave him too?

September came and the pressure on Cheon-dung and Lee Joon was at its peak. One just released a solo single. The other, still filming his winter drama. Neither had the time to celebrate for long. In October, the pressure mounted yet again and the rumors were explosive. Both were buried by swarms of media after the renewal date came and went without an official statement from the company. Meanwhile the other three kept their silence and tried their best to console their concerned fans with the promise that everything was gonna be alright. Unfortunately, with the impending announcement, winter album and curtain call concert; they couldn't do the same for themselves.

 


	5. Winter

Preparations for “MBLAQ's Curtain Call” were well underway by the time the album and official announcement were released. It took a lot of courage to smiling in confidence in front of cameras while sending out reassuring messages of a future that was uncertain. They would continue. They would stick together. Always 5. Even in different places; always MBLAQ.

This is the message they aimed to convey for their concert. The members held steadfast to it as they practiced for their stage. Painful nostalgia shook their minds as they reran the choreography to 5 year old songs. At random points during practice, they took breaks in circulation to step outside and clear their heads. Sometimes needing a moment to cry a little as everything processed.

It was a chilly November night when Lee Joon stepped away from them. Mir watched his back as he left, never pursuing. He tried that too many times and it was more painful with every attempt. That foolish pride to protect him like a fragile porcelain doll was breaking him down little by little. Seungho glanced over his shoulder from center stage and saw him frozen in place. He sighed and walked off-stage, returning a moment later with a cold wattle battle. He walked over to the maknae and pressed it to his forehead, causing him to flinch from the sudden chill.

“Ya!” Mir exclaimed shocked. Seungho smiled and sat down, motioning him to do the same. Taking the bottle from his hands he did so after taking a sip. “I guess I needed that.”

“Yea.” smirked Seungho. “Ji-hoon was trying to kill us when he came up with the choreography for “Oh yea”.”

The two erupted in laughter. Cheon-dung and Byung-hee turned and gave them weird looks like they were madmen then went back to the conversation they were having. The leader wrapped an arm around him.

“Everything that's happening,” He began, sounding like an elder preaching to his grandson about the facts of life. “it really can't be helped. It also doesn't mean we'll be apart. Isn't that what our concert is about?”

“I know.” moped Mir, knowing very well what Leader Yang was insinuating. “but-”

“Be a man!” dared Cheon-dung interrupting the moment. When they looked up the other two were hovering over them. “We'll have each others backs. No matter what.”

“That's right.” G.O encouraged further. “Now go and tell Joonie to stop being emo and be up-front with you. If things don't go well, let your other hyungs put him in his place.”

“Together.” Seungho said completing the sentiment with an endearing smile.

Mir looked around at each of them. All these years these guys and Lee Joon guided him. Coming from the country to the city was scary, and becoming an idol even scarier, but the four of them surrounded him with security and love. It was a warm and precious feeling he could never put into words. He became a better man because of them and now it was time to show that to the one he loved: Lee Joon.

Mir climbed to his feet Stretching his arms out wide a muscle in his back cracked and Cheon-dung snorted.

“Ya, i'm preparing.” he defended blushing.

“Break a leg.” he joked. “Or your back.”

“I'll break a back alright; hyung's!”

Mir had a gleam in his eye that startled the others. They glanced at each other with odd expressions on their faces no longer laughing. Before they could respond their maknae was walking away with authority in his step.

“Y-ya!” Seungho called after him. “Don't do anything stupid. We still have rehearsal!”

He waved an arm and disappeared backstage.

“You don't think...” Cheon-dung started warily.

“He couldn't.” added Seungho a little worried.

“Maybe.” Byung-hee shrugged and walked away, leaving the other two in their places baffled.

 

 


	6. Curtain Call

Lee Joon stared into his reflection in the mirror of the dressing room. Lost in his thoughts the preparation for the concert was weighing down on him. His last moments on stage with his brothers was impending, last moments with Mir. No longer would he be able to dance and see Mir smiling back brightly with synchronized steps. No longer would he win a music show award and feel him leap onto his back jumping for joy. Curtain Call; how appropriate. How tragically appropriate.

Mir snuck into the room, not a single member of staff in sight. Lee Joon, lost in his own image didn't even notice his presence or the sound of the door shutting. Looking at him staring forward blankly he understood him better than words could express. Always a victim of himself. Always protecting others from himself. It was impossible for such a twisted mind to see the amazing man Mir could see sitting before him.

Mir reached his arms out as he got closer to him and without warning wrapped them around him. Startled Joon jumped but was held him tight against him when he tried to move from the chair. He was used to his back-hugs, his affectionate way of shaking him up, but this was different. He wasn't budging. He did not dare to loosen his grip. It felt as if he would never let go.

Lee Joon sighed and cast his eyes down, hiding from Mir's gaze in the mirror.

“I won't get to do this so often anymore.”

“We can still see each other. You can do it plenty”

“No..I can't.” Mir couldn't hide the sadness in his voice and Joon felt it in his heart as his head rested on his shoulder. “I can't if you aren't honest with me.”

“I am.” Lee Joon responded coldly. “You already know.”

“Bullshit!” exclaimed Mir.

He removed himself from Joon's neck and spun the chair around so he could face him. Joon looked up. Mir's eyes shook, fighting back tears that formed in the corners. His hands quivered as he held tight on the arms of the chair.

“I came in here telling myself to be strong, like I do every time I try to reach you. Stop treating me like a child and face me like an honest man. How do you really feel about me?”

Lee joon swallowed hard. All his cards were on the table now and the concert was impending. There was nothing left to hide behind. Leave him quietly, he'll get over it later. That was the lie he told himself. Watching him standing strong despite reaching his limit, he knew it wasn't the case.

“Why?” Lee Joon finally said after a long moment of silence. “Why can't you just get mad at me? Why can't you just punch me and believe that i'm doing all of this because i'm selfish?”

“Because I know you're not.” argued Mir, his expression not wavering despite the pain in his heart. “No one who goes this far for anyone's sake can be selfish. The only one who thinks that way is you.”

Lee Joon looked away again but Mir caught his face in his hands. Pulling him to him he kissed him. Joon didn't deny him, allowing his lips to freely part when prompted to. The short bittersweet moment passed. Mir pulled away and stared directly into his eyes before speaking.

“I don't know who made you think like this.” he started ignoring the tears that started to stream down his face. “But we'll always be here to help erase that feeling. Even though we won't be sharing a stage it doesn't mean we can't do that for each other.” Lee Joon responded in a shaky voice. “I broke my promises to you guys, especially to you. I don't deserve-”

“None of that matters anymore.” Mir interrupted before he could blame himself further. “It never did. What maters most is that we fulfill the ones we're going to make from here on out to ourselves, our fans and to each other.”

Joon let his head fall against Mir's chest and Mir embraced him. His warm arms that never threatened to let him go, regardless of all the twisted emotions that even he didn't understand. Time after time he slapped them away without lifting a finger but still they remained. Outstretched and waiting to pull him through the shadows. Not just Mir, but his other friends too. They understood and accepted him. Always thinking he needed to save them when instead it was him who needed saving.

“I'm sorry.” Joon pleaded clutching Mir's shirt. “I'm so sorry.”

“Well.” Mir sniffled. “It's okay. You'll make it up to me later.”

Joon froze, his remaining tears melting into the shirt silently. Wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt he glanced up at Mir, who despite the dry smears of his own tears was grinning back down at him.

“What?”

“I have to remind you that I'm a man too, and you hurt my feelings.” Mir stated boldly, his expression unchanging as he said it. “Get ready to come back to rehearsal soon. But later, when we're alone, i'm going to repay you for all this stupid grief you caused me.”

A knock on the door interrupted them. Mir released Lee Joon then rushed across the room leaving him baffled in his seat. The others were outside the door, all studying Mir when he came to answer it. They all leaned their heads in and looked for Joon, who they spotted with a stunned expression on his face. Mir pushed pass them to get out but turned back and peeped his head back in. Joon looked up. His long arms formed the shape of a heart as he flashed the brightest smile he could manage.

“Sarang-hae-yo Hyung!” he announced proudly, then scurried off happily.

The three in the door looked at each other, then back at Lee Joon, who was staring back at them with desperation on his face.

“Ya..”

“You reap what you sow.” Byung-hee quoted before turning his back on him. Seungho shook his head, resisting a laugh. Cheon-dung erupted into his signature maniacal laughter which could be heard still even after they pulled the door shut.

Alone in the dressing room Lee Joon was left to contemplate an uncertain future, both immediate and long-term. One that would surely be a roller-coaster full of ups as well as downs. Now he knew he didn't have to ride it alone. And if he ever doubted it again, he would always have four amazing guys at his side to remind him of that.

 


End file.
